I feel that one step toward equality is to work on rehabilitating the image of feminism, which many people have come to see as a negative and/or exclusive “girl’s club”. Which I guess is what you’re getting at. Sorry to go off topic.

I have no problem with radical women delurking on my blog. Thank you for your questions and comments.

I only know of one pro-radical feminist man and he is my brother. So they aren’t exactly thick on the ground. I just know that they can and do exist. Other than my brother, I have pretty much zero contact with men. It isn’t solely about trust, I just find men pretty boring in general.

I don’t try to trust men. I don’t have any particular need for men in my life. I don’t work with men. I am only politically active on women’s issues at the moment. I socialise with lesbians. So men just don’t figure in my life at all. The only males I have to deal with are children. And that is the way I like it. I doubt that will change in the future.

Thank you so much for your reply. Most definitely you answered my question! In fact, it made me think quite a bit, especially when you said:

“I absolutely do not believe that there is only one true path towards women’s liberation. I believe that all women are walking towards their own liberation in different ways.”

- it reminded me of your post about liberation (as opposed to equality). Yes, I also think that liberation is the way forward and I try to do something every day that lifts me from the female box that society wants to place me in.

I have to admit I have never met a pro-radical feminist man (although I have met [pro-feminist men). I think you are right that most men are more likely to hinder us than to move with us towards liberation. Personally, I think men will be happier and less violent if liberation occured, but power is something that it is hard to let go of, even if it isn’t good for you.

I try to trust men, I really do. I experienced male terrorism, as you call it, when I was between the ages of 8-10. The men where teenagers. I don’t like to talk about it much, but I wanted to here. Because of this experience I would find it very difficult to leave my (hypothetical!) children around other male children…simply because it seems that men are socialised to believe that they can take what they want and do what they want. It may sound strange, but I have personally forgiven because I just couldn’t carry on with my life if I held those memories negatively. Yet still it effects me to make me suspicious of men in general.

Sometimes I worry that I have been too forgiving, or I let the men I interact with daily get away with saying/doing things I shouldn’t. I guess I should relax a bit.

You say: “Each and every one of us needs to decide for herself what is right for herself.”

This reminds me of “A person must not do what a person can not do but person must do what a person feels they must.” from Marge Piercy’s Woman on the Edge of Time (that is not an exact quote, i’m going from memory here).

Anyway, sorry for a appearing from lurker status all of a sudden like that. I really appreciate you reply. It was refreshingly honest and open.

I am not interested in any kind of dialogue with you until you understand RADICAL feminism. Saying ‘I am pro-feminist’ then making long comments that are absolutely ignorant of radical feminist theory is really bloody stupid. Go, do some reading, come back when you can name and quote at least ten Radical Feminists (and make sure they aren’t all white).

Jennifer-Ruth,

Thanks. It is nice to know that other women are getting something out of my writing. To be honest I don’t know what the solution is. All I know is how I feel about things myself. And how I choose to live my life. I absolutely do not believe that there is only one true path towards women’s liberation. I believe that all women are walking towards their own liberation in different ways. I believe that different ways are necessary for different women.

There are some women out there doing fantastic things, working with men against misogyny, and creating a better world. I FULLY support these women and I fully support the work that they are doing. There are male allies of the women’s liberation movement, I believe that strongly. I believe that WOMEN were instrumental in guiding these men in thier path to becoming allies and I think that is important work.

I also think that separatists and lesbians raising radical male and female children is also awesome. I fully support the work of those women and children in creating a safer world for women and children.

There are women, working with each other, building up strong communities of women, to make changes now, in our own lives, which is perhaps one of the most powerful and certainly the most immediate revolution.

I don’t have children and I would never dictate to another woman how she should choose to raise her child. All I can say is that from my perspective, having worked with children and families for seven years now, being a survivor of male terrorism in the home, is that men are dangerous. I still trust some men. My brother and I are very close, but I minimise contact with men I don’t know and I am wary about associating with men until I know their political perspective on women. A good litmus test is whether or not they use porn.

So if this is how I feel about my own safety, and I am a grown woman, how much more vulnerable are children? A big thing that worries me is the safety of girls from their male peers. There have been numerous studies done, showing a marked increase in the amount of sexual assault, rape and sexual harrassment committed by male children. This is a really disturbing trend. In my own workplace on two occassions a male child has pulled down his pants to expose himself to female children. The male children use highly misogynist language as weapons, the play of the male children is highly violent. The incresing sexualisation of children’s media is just so highly damaging, it isn’t possible to quantify. If I were a mother I would find it extremely difficult to trust my child, whether male or female, to the company of male children who have been raised by violent men and on violent, sexist media. I wouldn’t trust them in the care of male teachers or sport coaches. Nor with the fathers of other children.

For me this issue isn’t one about what is best for women’s revolution, it is simply about the child’s safety. But really, all of this is a moot point, since I don’t have children. Who knows what the practicalities are like for the majority of mothers out there. There are so many mothers in absolutely desperate circumstances. The courts have become so hostile to the rights of the child and so protective of so-called “father’s rights” that I know many cases where women do not want the child’s father to have contact and the courts give the fathers access. I know of a 12 year old girl who was raped by her father, he was acquitted because the girl could not remember what colour her undies were the day her father raped her. The custody courts gave the father access to both of his daughters until the 12 year old threatened to commit suicide.

Mothers very often try to be protective of their children but this system is set up in the interest of the fathers, so no child is safe.

But your question was, can we have a revolution without men? And I will answer yes, absolutely. Revolution is about freeing ourselves and other women. I believe men very often hinder the struggle rather than help it along.

Each and every one of us needs to decide for herself what is right for herself. Decide how much you wish to pander to men and what constitutes crossing the line. For me, I am happy to have contact and dialogue with pro-radical feminist men. But I am fully supportive of women who choose more contact with men than that, and also of women who choose separatism… both are valid feminist choices in my opinion, there is no right way.

Um, does that answer your question? I think I went on quite a bit there! Sorry.

Do you think that the revolution could be brought about by feminist seperatists and lesbians raising male children? How hard would it be to keep them from being socialised? Could it be done? How many generations do you think there would need to be before we could start expecting real change?

(I’m asking you this because I often read your blog here and respect your analysis a lot)